just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize