I can't breathe out the right side of my face
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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