i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
