i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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