Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
