maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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