Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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