You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
