Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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