My room smells like vodka and shame
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
