8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
