Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
