he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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