Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
