My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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