yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
