Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
