Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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