I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
