I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
