My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
