something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize