I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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