Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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