my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
