You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
