I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
