I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
