We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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