How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
