The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
