I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
