My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
