you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize