I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we should paint friendship bongs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
