Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
