Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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