Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
