it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
