Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
