Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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