You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
