evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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