I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize