The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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