I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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