I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize