So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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