I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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