i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're like the curious george of whores
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize