At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize