Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
