FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
