I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize