Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
