my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it penis luge time yet?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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