Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
