The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
