I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
