is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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