Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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