Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize