I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
