It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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