It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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